I drafted this and decided not to post it because it felt too personal. But, I'm over it. Here is part 1 in a series of backlogged entries I drafted but never published. Not that anyone reads this thing anyway : )
I'm currently reading The Wine Bible and Bird by Bird. I just finished reading the Widow Cliquot and was irresistibly tempted to buy a bottle of the Veuve ($48 a pop) to experience what I have read so much about. Another time, I will. Like, maybe for my 29th birthday coming up on the 29th! I am looking to dress up and treat myself to a really nice dinner. (Note: I didn't buy champagne or go out to a fancy dinner.)
Life has been hard recently. I've been questioning whether all the sacrifice is worth it. Need to delve into these questions more. Set up some stages. Figure out what I want to do once I'm done with L'Espalier. Do I want to move to SF? NYC? Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever have a family of my own, but until then, I will try to be content with being an auntie to my cousin's adorable kids and wait til my brother and sis in law have some of their own : ) (I did not set up any stages. I'm still trying to figure out what I want to do. I used to think NYC, but now I'm veering towards SF. Why? Among other reasons, my brother and sis in law are anticipating a little Yang!)
Some things I've learned:
-Line cooking is tough. It breaks you every day. But there are the occasional payoffs. That feeling of exhilaration after working a smooth, intense service. Pat on the back from the owner. Looking at a beautiful plate you've created. Yea, I made that. Sitting on a clean line with coworkers at the end of a night, snacking on chicken fingers and aioli from Sel, throwing back a cold one. Sometimes I hate everyone at work, but that's because they are like your other family. The really fucked up twisted one. I say that with a smile on my face.
-Indian Neck oysters have thinner, more brittle shells than Island Creek Oysters, that often break and shatter at the point at which you enter them with your oyster knife. Their shells are more brown and ridged and riddled with strange calcified worm patterns all over them and streaked with one black line down the middle. Island Creeks are much easier to shuck and have a fresh sweet flavor to offset the briny ocean flavor of the liqueur. Indian Necks are shockingly briny. Too salty for my taste. Moon Shoals taste very similar to Island Creeks but are much bigger and more plump and long, size-wise. I used to dread shucking oysters on the fly, but I enjoy it now. Because I'm not so bad at it anymore. Of course, when I am being watched sometimes I get performance anxiety.
-Lying has no place in a kitchen. That is why I despise my station partner. Neither does allowing other people to take the fall for your mistakes. Have some balls. Own up to your own mistakes. Don't let your boss yell at other people for yours without speaking up.
I don't know if this is going to be a good year. I just know that I want it to be a year of BIG CHANGES.
Watch out, World.
(And to Nancy and Yah-Kong, who I hope will never read this blog, thanks for loving me and being the most supportive parents ever. Most Asian parents would probably have disowned me by now, but I know that while there is still breath in your bodies, I always have the option of being one of those pathetic 29-year-olds who live at home with their parents...if I ever needed to. You're the best.)
